As an Amazon affiliate, I may earn from qualifying purchases. Please read our Disclaimer and Privacy Policy.
It’s hard for me to admit that I’m over 50 and afraid to drive. I’m especially embarrassed to admit anxiety is the main thing standing in my way.
Are you going through something similar? I keep trying to go back to driving, but then some little thing happens (nothing serious) and I get scared off again.
As you can tell from the title of this blog post, I’ve pretty much made up my mind not to drive anymore. I’ll get into the reasons why a little later.
Here’s the thing…
I used to drive all the time! I lived in a small town and could drive wherever I needed to go. I’d even drive the 300 km to the city and get around just fine. Well, mostly fine.
But now that I’m in my 50’s, I just can’t do it anymore. The fear doesn’t seem worth the effort anymore. And you can forget about me driving at night. Not going to happen.
Lately, I’ve been thinking that this severe driving anxiety was something relatively new. Of course, it isn’t. Putting myself through the exercise of writing this post is bringing a lot of memories to the surface.
I can’t believe the things I’m remembering!
As I sit here writing this post, memories keep popping up, examples of times when I had so much driving-related anxiety that I had to park the car to regain my bearings.
I specifically remember this happening when I was in my early 20’s. I was driving into town, the place I was born and knew like the back of my hand.Â
As I drove, I was suddenly overcome with fear. My hands tingled, my heart raced, I felt light-headed and, for a few seconds, I was completely disoriented. For those few seconds I felt lost in my own home town.
It was an awful experience.
The fear was real and in that split second when I thought I was lost, I actually thought I was “going crazy”, to use the lingo of the time. I didn’t know I had a panic disorder until I was diagnosed and treated over 10 years later.
People didn’t talk about anxiety as a bonafide mental health condition back then (late 1980’s), at least not where I was from. I heard whispers amongst my family that I had “bad nerves”.
The reality was that I had generalized anxiety disorder with some OCD. I’ve gone through cognitive-behavioral therapy through the years and I will be on medication for the rest of my life. And yet, there’s always a level of anxiety that can never be erased.
From my 20’s to my 50’s. A lot has changed.
I’ll spare you the details of my life from the time I was in my 20’s to now. If you’re like many women my age, you’ve probably experienced a lot of the same things I have over the years. For example:
- college/university
- raising children
- having pets
- getting married
- getting divorced
- getting remarried
- minor health problems
- losing loved ones
- and so on
Now I’m over 50 and afraid to drive!
Wow a lot changed when I turned 50.
Let’s see…
- I developed a macular hole in my left eye and the vision never entirely returned to normal after surgery
- I lost my position at the local college where I worked and had to move to the city (which I LOVE by the way) where another job awaited
- I sold my house
- I sold my car
- My husband had to quit his job to follow me to the city
- Moved into a gorgeous apartment building
- I had to quickly get used to taking public transportation to my new work
- I went through menopause
- and I retired 3 years later.
Oh, and the pandemic happened during this time too!
Ooops, there it went
After a few years of city living, I realized I’d lost my confidence to drive.
My husband took the one car we had to work and I took public transportation. He would have driven me to work, but his work day started so much earlier than mine that it didn’t make sense.
We also moved into the heart of the city where everything I need (my doctor, my dentist, banks, pharmacies, etc.) were all within a 5 minute walk. No car required! To this day, I continue to use
public transportation, Uber, or use taxi services to get where I need. Most of the time I walk wherever I need to go.
It’s surprising how quickly your driving confidence disappears! I have many family members who are over 50 and afraid to drive, I guess I didn’t realize it would affect me as well.
Then I came up with a plan!
After a while, I realized I had to TRY driving again. I just couldn’t give up. I didn’t need a car for many things, but I thought it would be good to at least have access to a car. That’s when I signed up for CarShare, a membership service that allows you to book a car when you need one.
I drove a few places just to prove to myself that I could. I wish I could say it was a great experience, but it wasn’t. I was still over 50 and afraid to drive.
Yes, I got to my destinations unscathed, but I was terrified the whole way. I gripped the steering wheel and obsessively checked my side and back mirrors. I had to remind myself to breathe. I did, however, get a boost of confidence from having at least tried. In fact, my confidence grew enough that I started regularly reserving a car so that I could do a few errands that were out of walking distance.
The almost tragedy
Everything was going fine until the day I came within an inch of a serious car accident.
A woman was crossing the road (at the crosswalk) but I didn’t see her until she was directly in front of my car. I slammed the brakes as hard as I could, and missed hitting her by a hair.
That’s when I felt my driving days were over. The woman was fine. Nobody was hurt. She was furious (as she should have been) and I was sickened by what could have been a deeply traumatic event.
My heart drops to my stomach thinking about it. That one moment in time could have changed both our lives forever.Â
That’s when I decided to put my keys away. I decided to accept being over 50 and afraid to drive.
The embarrassment of telling people I’m over 50 and afraid to drive
I’ve struggled with intense anxiety my whole life, and I have no problem sharing that with people.
But for some reason, I’m ashamed to admit that the anxiety is what stops me from driving. People ask me why I don’t drive, and I tell them it has to do with my vision. That’s partly true. But, of course, it’s not the whole story as you’ll see further into this post.Â
When I was much younger, I remember an older relative telling me that she would break into a sweat and shake if she so much as sat in the driver’s seat of a car.
At the time, I thought she was being ridiculous. Now here I am, over 50 and afraid to drive.
This feels like a failure
If my best friend told me she wasn’t comfortable driving, I’d be sympathetic. I would tell her it was fine, that she didn’t have to drive if she didn’t want to.
So why am I so hard on myself? There is an elderly woman in the building who is in her mid-80’s and she drives everywhere (even at night!) with no problem whatsoever. That kills me. I’m only 56 and starting the loosened grip on independence.
Okay, maybe it’s not as dramatic as that, but I still feel like a bit of a failure for being over 50 and afraid to drive.
I’ve Considered Going Back to Driving School
It’s crossed my mind that I should go back to driving school. Sometimes I think if I just had a good driving instructor to refresh my skills I’d be all set. To be honest, I’m not sure it would completely fix my fear of driving. And what if I failed the test? I’m not sure I’m ready to fully give up my driver’s license.
I don’t want to drive, but I could if I had to. It’s probably a good idea to keep renewing my license.
Which of the following causes YOU the most anxiety?
According to a post published by The Zebra, 66% of Americans experience driving anxiety. Head over there to read 8 tips to manage your driving anxiety.
The folks at “The Zebra”, a national leading car and home insurance comparison site, surveyed 1500 drivers about their driving anxiety. The people who responded to the survey reported feeling the most anxiety in the following areas:
- Merging onto the highway (26%)
- Backing up or reversing (19%)
- Unprotected left turns (18%)
- Other, more complex driving maneuvers (16%)
- Passing other vehicles (8%)
- Switching lanes (8%)
- U-turns (5%)
If I had to pinpoint where I feel the most anxious, I’d have to say it’s merging onto the highway and backing up the car. Even those little back-up cameras don’t help me!
I’m Over 50 and Afraid to Drive – 5 Reasons I Quit Driving For Good
Earlier in this post, I mentioned telling my friends that I don’t drive because of my vision. That’s not entirely a lie, and I’ve explained it below. Ultimately, it’s the enormous responsibility of driving that has be in the passenger seat now. This is what I have to come to terms with.
In no particular order, here are my reasons for deciding not to get behind the wheel of a car again, if I can help it.
1. Medical Conditions
I’m pretty sure stiff joints from arthritis is NOT a reason to give up driving. According to Arthritis.org, osteoarthritis is considered a leading cause of pain and disability in people over 50. However, I’m sure a lot of these people still drive.
I will say that my reflexes are not as quick as they used to be. That can make reacting to sudden situations on the road harder to manage.
My vision, however, is legitimally a concern to me. I mentioned having a macular hole in my left eye earlier in this post. It was severe and, although I had surgery to stop it from blinding me, the vision didn’t totally come back.
I can see out of the eye, but not well enough to easily read road signs.
2. Panic Attacks
I wouldn’t say I have any full-fledged panic attacks when I’m behind the wheel, but my nerves make me indecisive and that’s not a good thing when you’re driving.
As I mentioned earlier in the post, anxiety symptoms can make me temporarily forget where I am. I start sweating, I get a dry mouth, and I have to remind myself to breathe.
I spend a lot of time obsessively checking my rearview and side mirrors as well. That’s not necessary a bad thing, but it’s not necessary and takes my attention away from actually driving.
I do have anti-anxiety drugs that I can take, but they’re not ideal to take when driving.
3. Driving Skills
I used to think I was a reasonably good driver, but the dents on the back of my car probably told a different story. I haven’t had a lot of previous accidents. However, the few I’ve had haven’t helped the driving anxiety.
To be honest, I drive better on a multi-lane highway than on the streets that trail through the heart of the city. Unfortunately, we don’t have a “fast lane” or a “slow lane”. We just have lanes. Most people seem to drive at a high speed and feel like I have to keep up with them to prevent another car from slamming into me.
I also can’t back up to save my soul. It’s embarrassing! I’m sure these are skills I could hone if I were to take lessons. I’d rather just stop driving to be honest.
4. Fear of Failure
I’ve always been hard on myself, but I’m particularly hard on myself when it comes to driving. Maybe not enough people take it seriously enough! Driving is serious business. It requires rapt attention, quick reflexes, and a clear head.
Unfortunately, the physical symptoms of anxiety don’t leave room for me to feel these things. Instead, I end up holding my breathe until I feel like I’m going to have a heart attack. Not good.
5. Potential Cognitive Impairments
I say “potential” cognitive impairments because I haven’t been diagnosed.
It may be related to the maculor hole I had (or maybe not), but I sometimes have a hard time distinquishing objects from people. For example, there could be a black plastic bag on the road but, until I’m up close to it, I might think it’s an animal of some kind.Â
It’s not something that’s dangerous in my day-to-day life, as long as I’m not driving. I’m not sure if it’s a neurological problem, a vivid imagination, or if it’s related to my wonky eye.
Summary
In my opinion, I have many good reasons to leave my driving license at home and just grab an uber when I need to get around the big city.
I worry about my future and how quickly my quality of life could decline if I’m already giving up pieces of independence. On the other hand, I’m happier not to have to deal with heavy traffic or face my driving phobia.
I manage my anxiety quite well in my daily life. I do, however, think it might be best to leaving the driving to someone else as much as possible.
How do you feel about driving? Are you willing to give up your driver’s license because of the anxiety? Let me know in the comments.
